1 year + 2 months: A New place, out of prison

My first day at this treatment program place. I'm in a state of shock, to say the least. The ride over here from prison was emotional; my first time on the road for over a year - imagine that for a sec, will you?

It's okay here I suppose. I'm still in need of adjustment. Everyone here wearing normal clothes. I still don't have my things yet and I can't wait. It's lonely but there are nonstop programs to keep everyone busy. Sleep time, more tomorrow.

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It's my third day here. Got some of my things, which I am so happy about. It feels so good to put on jeans and real clothes after so long. And especially brushing my teeth with that electrical toothbrush and washing my face with real face wash. Let me tell you that I spent so much time in the bathroom after getting my things. They have a treadmill we can use here too, so I started that. It felt so good to run after all this time. So many of the little things that I can learn to appreciate all over again here. The food here is worse than prison, but it's manageable. I can buy sandwiches and snacks and sodas from the vending machine. The absolute only thing I miss about prison compared to here is being able to go outside often. Other than that, I am so happy to be a step closer to home. I miss my friends and family so much but I'm hanging in there.

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Five days in this "treatment program". It's going by decently. They keep you busy with programs, lectures, count times, waiting around for meals, etc. And I got on a routine workout schedule every day as well, which I'm loving.

It's so strange how visually stimulating it can be to see people wearing normal clothes after over a year of lots of khaki and grays.

They asked me to be a tutor for the GED class which is great because I can feel of some use here to others, you know? Already, one girl has told me that she's thankful I came here and believes everyone is placed in her life for a reason and honestly, I was so touched and I can only hope that I can help her pass her GED so that she can further her education. I'm not a great tutor and can even grow impatient, but I am trying. And I'm definitely learning more about others, especially women who have endured a lot of suffering in their lives, just by being here.

This also makes me appreciate my own family and friends all the more. I am really truly grateful and I'm going to try and hold onto this feeling on days I feel down and simply wish I could go home already; times I am lonely and sad.

1 year + 1 month: Holding on, staying strong

How many days go by wasted away,
How much longer 'til you stop feeling the pain,
They say time heals all wounds,
They say tomorrow will be better than today,
But you wake up in the morning still feeling the same.

No matter how strong you strive to be,
No matter how much you try and maintain positivity,
Your heart simply aches at any thoughts of what's happened,
Some days in disbelief and others in anguished passion.

One day at a time, climbing your way gradually,
You hang on and push strong, with no other way to be,
What else can you do, what choice do you have,
Give up and break down? I can't let you do that.

If you made it through yesterday, today will breeze by,
and tomorrow will come, with your head still held high,
You've made it this far, you're on the right track,
Keep finding, keep building, that courage you need,
that strength you may lack.