It is hot and sweaty outside. Another summer is here. I've been stuck here 13 weeks now when it was only supposed to be a 6-8 week "assessment and treatment" center. Hoping to leave for the halfway house any week now - next week if I am lucky. I can't wait. =)
My students in the GED class have been dwindling down. I currently have 2 students when at one point I had 5. I tutor the women in the "advanced" class - the girls who are ready to take their GED. Some have left to the halfway house, but in the past 2 weeks, 2 of my students were sent back to prison for fighting. That really disappoints me because they were about to take their test this month and were doing so well. Last night, one of the girls lashes out and beats up a staff member. Insane. It is such a setback for her simply because she hasn't learned to control her temper when others upset her. What can I do though.
It is crazy how much I took education for granted until coming to a place like this. I feel very lucky and appreciative to have a mom who always pushed me in school when I was young and hated it. For being raised where college was a must and not an option. A person and his of her brain has so much potential and I definitely am going to take full advantage of all the resources available to me from now on, as I have been since being locked up, even if it hasn't been much. I can't wait to go back to school and work towards getting my JD and all my other goals. Never have I felt more of a drive and passion towards life before. I'm just anxious for the next step. You'd think I'd be a master of patience by now, but it's still something I work on every day in here.
On a last note, I have a horrible sock tan line from recreation time outside! Just thought I'd share.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
1 year and 3 months: Stronger than yesterday
I've now been at this assessment center/training and treatment program for about a month. It will probably take them another 2 months to move me to the halfway house, but I'm hoping for shorter.
Honestly, I think everyone who is incarcerated should be exposed to a program like this one at some point. It may not benefit everyone, but it is at least aimed towards being positive and changing your life to accomplish your goals starting today. I mean, it's still up to each individual, and being chaotic and getting involved in drama here is just as easy as in prison. But if you want to make the most of any situation, you can.
I've been working out a lot recently as well as playing a little basketball whenever they let us outside for rec time. I figure I might as well try to get in shape now before I'll be busy in the halfway house going to classes and working, right? It's hard though because I love food too much and they hardly have many healthy options.
I truly am thankful for all the little things here though. For example, pore cleansing strips. I asked my mom to send me. You can't imagine how many blackheads were built up from all this time without proper face wash. My skin is still recovering little at a time as I get one step closer to freedom.
It's all the little things I'm still appreciating like never before that make me newly aware of more and more ways to think and stay positive about everything.
There's this one girl in my room that is just about the most depressing person I've met in here, and I feel bad she is wasting her life away. All she does is sleep (sometimes with all her clothes and even shoes on). She misses meals, meetings, hardly showers and is always complaining for the few minutes she does get up. I know she has issues, but she really wallows in her pain and its miserable to watch. When people try to talk to her, she ends up cursing and telling them to mind their own business. Her breath also stinks really bad, I smell it across the room when she speaks.
Anyhow, I think my game is getting better on the courts. I have like 4 bruises because they play so rough, but I'm ok. I'd like to get better, this is my first time playing with girls who are really good. That's because most of them here that play ball are like boys, but still.
Can't wait to get to the halfway house, but I know I have to have patience. It's a blessing I even made it this far and got the opportunity to leave prison for a halfway house, so I have to keep that in mind all the time.
Honestly, I think everyone who is incarcerated should be exposed to a program like this one at some point. It may not benefit everyone, but it is at least aimed towards being positive and changing your life to accomplish your goals starting today. I mean, it's still up to each individual, and being chaotic and getting involved in drama here is just as easy as in prison. But if you want to make the most of any situation, you can.
I've been working out a lot recently as well as playing a little basketball whenever they let us outside for rec time. I figure I might as well try to get in shape now before I'll be busy in the halfway house going to classes and working, right? It's hard though because I love food too much and they hardly have many healthy options.
I truly am thankful for all the little things here though. For example, pore cleansing strips. I asked my mom to send me. You can't imagine how many blackheads were built up from all this time without proper face wash. My skin is still recovering little at a time as I get one step closer to freedom.
It's all the little things I'm still appreciating like never before that make me newly aware of more and more ways to think and stay positive about everything.
There's this one girl in my room that is just about the most depressing person I've met in here, and I feel bad she is wasting her life away. All she does is sleep (sometimes with all her clothes and even shoes on). She misses meals, meetings, hardly showers and is always complaining for the few minutes she does get up. I know she has issues, but she really wallows in her pain and its miserable to watch. When people try to talk to her, she ends up cursing and telling them to mind their own business. Her breath also stinks really bad, I smell it across the room when she speaks.
Anyhow, I think my game is getting better on the courts. I have like 4 bruises because they play so rough, but I'm ok. I'd like to get better, this is my first time playing with girls who are really good. That's because most of them here that play ball are like boys, but still.
Can't wait to get to the halfway house, but I know I have to have patience. It's a blessing I even made it this far and got the opportunity to leave prison for a halfway house, so I have to keep that in mind all the time.
Still 1 year and 2 months: 2 years since the accident
Tonight/tomorrow morning marks the 2nd anniversary of my friend's passing and the car accident...Half of my brain tries to push away any thoughts that would make me sad, but the other half can't seem to do that.
I'm just thinking of that night - the last night I saw her, spoke with her, laughed with her, the last night she was living and breathing. A concept I still can hardly grasp. Thoughts that give me an inexpressible type of pain and ache.
I wish I had someone to talk to right now. Someone who at least can pretend they understand. Sometimes when I start to feel the aching in my heart, it's like my body naturally shuts down, not allowing me to break down, leaving me with nothing but numbness. Part of me wants to let it out, but there is no one here but a bunch of strangers with their own things to deal with.
I miss you every day more than words can say. 2 years doesn't seem that long, but it feels like an entire lifetime ago. Days when we believed we were invincible, when most of our problems could be easily solved. Days when something so tragic like this was considered simply unimaginable. But it does happen, friends. So take it from me: Be more careful and responsible in any little action. Be appreciative and cherish each day with loved ones as it comes. Be grateful for every little thing, maybe I sound cliche, but it's not even a joke guys.
I'm just thinking of that night - the last night I saw her, spoke with her, laughed with her, the last night she was living and breathing. A concept I still can hardly grasp. Thoughts that give me an inexpressible type of pain and ache.
I wish I had someone to talk to right now. Someone who at least can pretend they understand. Sometimes when I start to feel the aching in my heart, it's like my body naturally shuts down, not allowing me to break down, leaving me with nothing but numbness. Part of me wants to let it out, but there is no one here but a bunch of strangers with their own things to deal with.
I miss you every day more than words can say. 2 years doesn't seem that long, but it feels like an entire lifetime ago. Days when we believed we were invincible, when most of our problems could be easily solved. Days when something so tragic like this was considered simply unimaginable. But it does happen, friends. So take it from me: Be more careful and responsible in any little action. Be appreciative and cherish each day with loved ones as it comes. Be grateful for every little thing, maybe I sound cliche, but it's not even a joke guys.
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