So many questions.

So I have court next week unless it gets pushed back. It'll be the day where I officially accept the plea offer.

I have so many questions in my head that I wish could all be answered. That's just how I am. I need to know everything. If someone ever asks me a question and I don't know the answer, I will find it-- and I won't be settled until I do.

How am I supposed to have my questions answered while I'm locked up in a cell? How will I know what is going on in society? Will there be tvs in some common areas that play the news for you?

Will I be able to have access to a razor or will I have some hairyassss armpit hair. Do you get makeup of some sort at least when visitors come or will my friends and family seriously have to see me in some bright colored jumpsuit and looking like complete and utter shit. Will the undergarments they give you be used or will they be brand new. How extensive is their collection of books in the library? Will the food I eat be so bland that I lose all sense of wonderful taste by the time I leave. If I get sick, am I going to be treated right? Will people beat me up? Should I let people take advantage of me or do I risk getting in trouble by standing up for myself. When visitors come, what can they bring me? Food, photographs, facewash?

Who can answer all of these questions for me? I hardly know anybody that's been to prison before and certainly not any women. I'm definitely nowhere near the stereotype of an inmate.. but things could be a lot worse. I am lucky to be alive and to have survived this tragic accident and to have my whole life ahead of me still. I know I'm here for a reason and after I get through this, I will accomplish a great ordeal of things and that is something I am sure of.

I'm doing what I can to try to make the most of these last few months left, but it all still seems surreal to me.