14 months left..

This past weekend was intense, to say the least. I had an emotional breakdown with my mother. I find out my only true friend in the house was hiding from me the fact that she had been using drugs for some time now and purchasing others' urine to pass the urine tests. Then, after missing emergency head count due to being passed out from drinking, was being sent back to prison, and escaped with another girl. The house was shutdown and all movement was restricted- including going to school or work, so on top of everything, I missed a very important class and midterm review. Sadly enough though, that is not at the top of my worries although it should be.

Of course, I'm hurt, sad and disappointed in my friend, but mostly I just miss her. I had high hopes for her never to return to her heroin addiction, because that is what caused her to rob houses and end up in prison in the first place. I was convinced to believe that she was on the right path. I helped her apply for financial aid to start college classes in January, and I know her family was excited about that as much as she was. Everyone is only human though and we all make mistakes. Whether one person does drugs, only drinks, or overeats, or even excessively watches television during hard times- it's all the same in the end. Life isn't easy- it's far the opposite. We all have moments where we can't deal with reality in the "right" way. We all have times where we act instinctively without thinking about the potential consequences. Some are lucky enough to get away with it more than others. But in reality- are those people really so "lucky"? Because if we were actually caught and punished for every little thing that might lead us down the wrong path, wouldn't that stop us from complete failure and ultimately lead us to learning from our mistakes and moving forward?

After all that has happened in my life, I'm a firm believer that everything does happen for a reason. Even if you don't realize it at the time, and all you can think is "why- why- why" WHY ME. Even if it seems like you simply can't get away with one single mistake when you make it, even though we ALL make mistakes. Why do your mistakes always lead to the worst of the worst consequences? Well, maybe you aren't the "unlucky" one. Maybe you are loved, maybe you are being helped/saved and you don't even realize it.

I have 14 months left to go. Although majority of my time is completed and the worst is over, I can't ever take that for granted. Every time Department of Corrections comes in our house with shackles and comes into somebody's bedroom to take them back to State Prison, my heart stops beating. Reality check. Follow the rules. Be careful. Focus on what's important in your life. Don't for a second forget how far you've come, how much you've gone through, and let it all be taken away. Think of the disappointment and hurt from your loved ones that you'd have to face a second time because you've already been through that before. Think of all the work you've done to get prepared for moving forward with your life. Remember it constantly. Don't forget where you are, just because you have a little bit of freedom now.