13 Months left: Don't beat yourself up too much.

Despite all that's happened recently, I've managed to pick myself up and regain focus on my current priorities. And I am completely re-motivated to working even harder. I just hope this continues with very few interruptions.

I'm 27 years old, incarcerated, unemployed; I have debts, bad credit, no assets, single, battling emotional grief that I know will never completely dissipate. But I've accepted that. The only thing I have right now is my loved ones and my future - my aspirations and hope for a better tomorrow. And you know what? That's okay because all the above mentioned things I currently lack are temporary, but what I do have, will stay with me until the day I die. Maybe I had to lose "everything" to gain, so to speak...

When friends, and even my younger sister, are doing so much with their lives, realistically I do feel extremely behind. But I know I will get there, as I am working hard given my circumstances to do what I can towards achieving my goals and preparing myself for my release. It's just crazy because I feel as if obstacles have always been placed in my way more often than most people my age. Why is that? Does everyone feel that way? Who decided that I'm "strong" enough to handle any of this?

Then I think, does money and tangible assets determine true success in life? I believe that a truly successful life is one that fulfills its ultimate purpose for living and comes to a realization of what's really important. So looking at it that way, I'm actually further along than I've ever been - even when I had money, good credit, a job, apartment, car, freedom, boyfriend, etc. Those are things I can get again. But now, I'll have much more than just that - at the cost of losing a lot as well. Why does life have to work out that way?

My head hurts. Yesterday, my best friend got married. Needless to say, I couldn't attend. One of the many weddings I will have missed during my incarceration, but that's ok. Accept things I can't change, right? Oh well, it is what it is. I know that she knows in her heart I would have done anything to be there, and I just have to think gratefully that at least I'll be there for the rest of her life. I'm all about this positive thinking thing. It's difficult at times, but its the only thing that can get you through hardships. Focus on the positive, not the negative. Don't dwell on things you can't change. Work on things that you can.

Here are a few of my short term goals I'm working towards:

1. Make it out with a positive outlook, having grown and learned.

2. Finish my Economics degree before my release. (Yes, I'll be done this summer!)

3. Score above a 165 on the LSATS & apply for law school.

4. Get a job (at least a temporary one until I get out) and save up some money.

5. Quit smoking prior to my release. (Why do I even smoke anyways?)

6. Make parents proud & happy. (This seems to be going pretty well these days.)

7. Make plans for a place to live prior to my release.

Here are a few more long term goals:

1. Get my JD.

2. Publish a book on my story.

3. Get a job I enjoy doing, that helps others.

4. Regularly participate in charity events & speak to others on distracted driving.

5. Start own business (possibly non-profit org.)

6. Get married to someone who will be there for me, and have children to love and care for.

7. Forgive myself.

I have a lot more on my personal list, but you needn't hear about how I wish to enter the WSOP one day or learn to surf. Basically, I've realized there's too much I'd like to do in life and too little time. I wish I hadn't wasted so many years of my youth before being so down on myself and lacking confidence and motivation towards life. But it's ok. I'm still young. I don't care who believes in me or not, because I believe in myself today and that is suffice. Second chances at life aren't given to just anyone...