Today is day four and I'm still locked up in this cell. 23 hour lock, 1 hour out for shower and phone. WTF. I'm supposedly supposed to get out of this area today and be placed with everyone else. Thank goodness. Everything still feels surreal to me. So many things that have happened are so insane that I have to stop and laugh at what is going on. For example, this original 3rd cell mate heroin addict homeless lady who was so gross she never showered and wrapped a sandwich in her underwear. I was feeling itchy simply being in the same room as her. My other cellmate is pregnant. How can we all be placed in the same cell? My other cell mate for now is nice though to me at least, but she spit in the crazy lady's soup. Am I a bad person for finding this somewhat amusing? Maybe I'm simply delirious.
So, what have I learned in jail thus far? There are a lot of problems that exist that many of us don't encounter in our everyday lives. Basically, almost everyone except me here has been here before and doesn't think of it as such a big deal. I'm not sure if jail is the proper punishment for most of the women here. Many don't really care too much about sleeping comfortably, eating gross shit, etc. What our judicial system doesn't understand is that women have deeper things going on than the material items. I think the part that hurts most is being away from loved ones. That pain makes all else easier to handle. At least for me, how can I concentrate on minor back aches or gross food when my heart and mind are missing my friends and family? I just want to go home.
Maybe I should reach out to people if I can out here. I saw the psychologist the other day and we both agreed on something: other people in here need more help than me. And I do believe its true. Not because I'm better than anyone, because I'm not. I was simply more fortunate in my life-- something I never truly recognized before. I''m here tearing up about everything, but at least I do have loved ones and a future to look forward to. Most of the women and girls here don't feel the same way. They see their life as a one track place with nowhere else to go. Which is never true. I'm not trying to get in anyone else's business right now but maybe eventually, I hope to even bring hope and inspiration to even one individual. For now, I'm still adjusting myself. I think out of everyone here, I might have one of the hardest times adjusting and adapting to this completely different lifestyle. Seriously, friends, when you go to sleep tonight in your comfortable queen bed, when you eat your next delicious meal, or go outside in the sun, please stop for a second and appreciate all there is. I'm not even saying this just because of people in jail, but a lot of people in less fortunate homes doesn't have what we do. Think of the families in Haiti after the earthquake even. Just don't take shit for granted, please. Don't take your loved ones for granted either. You guys, I miss you all incredibly. Don't worry too much because I will keep strong no matter how hard it is here and how badly I want to go home. Please write me and keep putting a smile on my face as the thoughts of you all is what keeps me going.
It's still day 4. I found out they aren't letting me out of this 23 hour lock yet because they didn't come around and check my TB shot. Bullshit. I'm not diseased, I'm not psychotic, but locking me in a cell for 23 hours a day with no shampoo for 4 days is bound to make me go crazy. Sigh. this is seriously inhumane. I have nothing else to say.
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Stop acting like the victim in all this. You're there for a reason and that reason is not to help your "less fortunate" inmates. Your actions put you there so show some repentance.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous,if you have no idea WHY she was put there in the first place then you're really quite ignorant to believe that prison is a place full of only murderers, psychos, rapists, etc. Prison is not a place for "repentance" but rather rehabilitation and some idealistic notion that throwing someone who has deep seated problems into a cell will "change" them. Why are you so angry anyway, if it bothers you so much don't read the blog.
ReplyDeleteAs long as she was not falsly accused, I don't think it matters why she is in prison. The point is that the blogger's manner of writing suggests that fellow prisoners could benefit from her presence, when she should really be focusing IN on herself.
ReplyDeleteAnd when did anonymous say anything about thinking prison is only a place for murders, rapists, etc?
Have you been to prison before anonymous? Lu has her head on straight and being a close friend of hers I know how well she listens and gives amazing advice. I KNOW that she will be changing/helping some of the inmates in there, and it also just makes the whole situation a lot lesss dreary to khow that theres a silver lining to ever cloud. You seem to have the idea that she needs to be in there to "repent" and regret what put her in there in the first place, but if you have no idea, you're ignorant to believe that everyone in there needs "repentance" There are a lot of wrongly accused ppl in prison and a lot of ppl who were just at the wrong place at the wrong time with bad luck. I just didn't like the tone of your first post, do you know Lu? If you do, don't be a coward and post as anonymous. Otherwise, keep your opinions to yourself, since you don't even know half the story. This blog is not for you to judge, it's for her own memoir. Don't read it if you don't like it.
ReplyDeleteDear Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, if you have something to say don't be a coward and comment anonymously.
You shouldn't be so quick to judge others. You may or may not be one of Hana's close friends but no matter how close you were to her, you'll never ever feel the guilt and loss that Lucille is feeling.
Everyone is entitied to their own opinions but please don't judge and distort Lucille's true intentions. She never once acted like the "victim".
To the anonymous author that states that Lu should stop acting like a victim and should not try to help others while she's in prison...
ReplyDelete1. Lu has never acted like a victim. Do you even know her? I doubt you do, because she has never acted this way. Get your facts straight before you start posting lies. You sound very angry, but that gives you no excuse to lie about how she's acting. I guess you are so angry that you are judging all her actions as "acting like a victim." I suggest you stop acting like a coward and stop commenting lies.
2. Prison is to punish people for wrongdoings. It is also supposed to work as a place for rehabilitation. Look it up. She is serving her time, but at the same time, trying to help the people in there with her. She is trying to make herself better and making others in there better too. I have no idea why you see this as a negative thing. What is wrong with people helping eachother and taking a negative environment and trying to turn into something positive. You seemed to be not perceiving things correctly because of your anger. Get your facts straight before you start posting lies behind anonymity. Stop being so judgemental, and if you choose to do so, stop being a coward and hiding behind "anonymous." My name is Natasha Kim and I am like a older sister to Lu. She's going through enough. More than you will ever know or can imagine. Have some compassion, and if you can't have that...stop reading her blog.