2 months gone by: Everyday is a battle we've won

Sometimes I take countless naps all through the day to drift me away from this place and make my days go by faster. Other times, like tonight, I find myself unable to fall asleep, my mind racing. I think of people I miss and tears form inside my eyes. I wonder what my family and friends are doing. I haven't had any contact with anyone since I arrived at state prison because I haven't gotten my list of phone numbers approved yet and am still awaiting mail. It's only been a week here in reception but it feels like so much longer. Today is my father's birthday and I made and sent a card, but wish I could call home.

I think of my sister a lot, far across the country. Hearing her voice once a week while in county jail kept me sane. I'm sad beyond words that calling cell phones isn't allowed in state prison and therefore, I am unable to call her and won't see her for a while. I'm also missing her 21st birthday this month. I hope she is not worrying too much about me and enjoying her life a bit. The last thing I want is for my own hardships and struggles to affect those I care about in a negative way. Laugh and be merry and share those moments with me in letters and that is what would make me smile.

Geez, I am being too serious and sappy for my own good! I suppose that's what prison can do to you. There's a lot of depressing things around here and a lot of frustratingly troublematic people, some of which behave like rude children. It's a fight to stay strong, uplifting, and positive here. Everyday is a battle that I keep struggling to win. I just hope it gets easier after reception like others say. Once I start getting mail and visitations, I'm sure it will. I can't wait to hug something, see somebody that I care about and who cares about me. In a place filled with women, I couldn't feel more alone...