One year since the accident

I remember it as if happened yesterday. The worst and hardest day of my life, how could I not. It still seems rather unreal at times - so unreal that the pain in my chest at every thought is somewhat suppressed. I can't believe it's been a year....

How would you feel if you lost one of your closest friends almost right before your eyes? How would you feel if you were the one driving the car and you dozed off and hit a truck on the shoulder? One minute you are driving cautiously, listening to music as your friend is taking a nap in the passenger seat - next minute you awaken after a horrible dream, a dream that a crash had happened and all you know is there was a huge WHAM!!! and a blackout, and now you don't know if you're still dreaming or you've died or what. You gain consciousness after having a concussion and see people gathered around your vehicle asking if you're okay. You realize that your car is destroyed and everything aches. You scream out your friends name repeatedly, but all she does is cough and lie there. "Help her!!! Somebody...please, help her right now!!!", you cry out to the people around you. They tell you the ambulance is on the way, but you're not in a state of panic and confusion. Are you still dreaming? Could this nightmare possibly be real? Please say no...

When help finally arrives, they carefully lift me out of the car and strap me into the stretcher. Why am I being separated from my friend? Please let me stay with her. Nobody listens. Nobody answers me as I continue to ask if she's ok. Tell me she's going to be just fine...She was breathing, coughing - how could she have not made it? How could such a sweet girl's life be taken at such a young age...Why was I the one to survive?

Just a few hours before the tragic accident happened, she was smiling, we both were. We always had a good time with each other...even when I had a bad day, she could always make me laugh. My dear friend, I love and miss you with all my heart...I think about you everyday, praying for the well being of you and your family, wishing I could be with you or speak to you or hug you. I think of all the memories we've had throughout the years - when we lived in the same apartment in college, our plans to get an apartment together again, all of our roadtrips, all the times we went to eat or simple meet up and talk, getting our hair done together, and all the other random things we used to do. I remember when we had fights and still ended up making up like sisters do because I missed you deeply when we wouldn't speak. I still can't believe you are gone at times. You will always be with me in spirit and in my heart. I never could delete your number from my phone, but instead stared at it wanting to call you, to hear your voice...

Since that horrible day one year ago, my life won't ever be the same. For whatever reason that I was kept on this earth still, I won't take it for granted. My life will be lived for my family and friends who gave me the strength to come back to life, and for my dear friend in Heaven who I will always think of until the day I see you once again. May you rest in eternal peace......<3