18 weeks: Let me DO something already!

I'm the type of person that always likes to be doing something. Constantly feeling the need to be contributing to society in some sort of way, whether through work or charities or even simply giving advice to a friend in need. Planning and working towards goals, even if there may be setbacks along the way. When I'm not busy at something, I feel useless or bored or simply down in the dumps. And I get bored pretty damn easily.

My time in prison so far has been teaching me true patience. It's hard though, really fucking hard actually. I've been here a few months already and still haven't gotten into any classes and programs I requested to participate in. Apparently, in the max/medium units, the waiting list is extremely long. I also requested a job as a para professional (paralegal or tutor or something of the sort) numerous times, but have not received any kind of response in this regard. Recently, a position opened up as a paraprofessional for the c-cottage unit (the place where the crazies live) and I wrote the administrator applying for that position. Of course, no answer. I probably won't get it. I hear inmates only obtain those types of positions after many years in the facility.

It's ridiculous if you ask me. I'm crying out to pretty much volunteer my time to help other inmates in areas that I can and these people, because of the disorganized system, deny me! They want me to sit here and do nothing. Of course, I take it upon myself to read a lot and keep learning in here, but what if I didn't? Why have a "correctional facility" where the majority of women are basically staying put in their old ways. In meaningless sexual relations with women, in bickerings about petty shit, in an underground commissary store and medicine drug dealings. It's ridiculous!

I'm just saying, if it were up to me, I wouldn't have hundreds and hundreds of inmates sitting around with remotely enough time to be involved in that sort of mess. I'd keep everyone busy being, and learning to be, productive members of society. That way, maybe they all won't end up here again because they will have a new alternative to their way of living.

I never thought I'd say this, but I especially miss working in addition to all the other things people do on a regular basis outside of prison. I know why I'm here and I know I used to dread waking up for work every morning in the past, especially right after the accident. But that's when so much of my life appeared to be purposeless to me. I had a lack of understanding and reason and meaning. No strong drive. I'm just truly ready to be a contributing member of society now and make something bigger of my life and I wish there were a way to start right away. Patience, I know. One day at a time, yeah, yeah, yeah...