1 month to go: It's ok to cry sometimes.

Wow. I never thought I'd be able to say I have a month left until freedom again. It has been such an incredibly long journey, but definitely one of growth and learning lessons in addition to all the bad parts.

I have an interview this week in academic support for the Program/Tutoring Coordinator position at a federal program called TRiO Student Support Services at Rutgers University. This is the department I have been working for part-time this past year. It's such a wonderful opportunity and I will literally consider myself utterly blessed if I actually get it. No matter what happens though, I'll figure things out.

I'm not sure where I obtained the strength to make it through everything that's happened the past 4 years, but I'm still holding onto the cheesy belief that I'm alive for a reason. I don't fully allow myself to really think about my release date yet, because I think I might just break down from a flood of all sorts of emotions. All I can say is, I have never been more excited to simply have this second chance at life. With loved ones, with the future unknown, with the basic joys of life, the ups along with the downs. I know that nothing will come easy, but I have developed a new found strength and gratefulness that I didn't have before. For the opportunity too, to work towards goals, make mistakes and learn from them, and just take advantage of what comes along..

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Update: It's completely surreal to me, but I was offered the position today! I don't know how, because I completely bombed the interview- I was so nervous! In just one day, I secured a job for my release and a temporary apartment to live in nearby.

I cried so much this week. I don't know why I've been so emotional lately. I broke down and cried at one point during my actual interview, and then I broke down and cried when they offered me the job today. And for those of you that know me, I don't cry that often or easily anymore. During my interview, they asked me what my biggest accomplishment has been in my life (not just career, but in general), and I suppose that everything flashed before my eyes like a movie, and I started speaking and completely broke down in tears. The committee I interviewed before is well aware of my incarceration, and was amazingly understanding. However, there is a time and place for everything- and that definitely wasn't the right time. Emotions can be outside my control at times, though.

I think it's partly because I'm going home soon, partly because it's almost that time of the month that us women are all too familiar with, and partly because I've simply recognized how I've miraculously made it through the past few years somehow. Who would have known I had it in me. And I'm not just referring to imprisonment. That hardly even compares with the hardship of being responsible for my close friend's death... So many days in the past after the car accident that I never thought I'd smile again, or have the willpower to live again. I consider it truly a miracle.. I'm going to stop before I start crying again.